Tash's Top 10 reasons for not loving pregnancy

Over the last couple of weeks I have felt overjoyed by the love and attention we’ve gotten since starting our blog again. Thank you all for reading it and sharing it with your friends. You make me want to write and write and write all day! That is bad for my real job though. With so many people following our story, a few questions have started to roll my way. One common question from the last couple of weeks has been about whether or not I love being pregnant, hence the inspiration for this post.

So here’s the thing, to say that I don’t love being pregnant makes me feel like a bad mother already and we don’t even have a baby yet. And for a girl whose wanted to have babies since she popped out of her own mother’s womb… it sorta seems like a faux pas.

Now don’t judge me, but despite my absolute adoration for babies and children - I don’t know if I would actually say that I love being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I do love aspects of being pregnant, but its not all peaches and roses over here, there are loads of things that are super crappy about growing a love child. So today, I shall tell you the top 10 reasons why I don’t exactly love being pregnant. (Please don't read this if you are in pure denial and believe that pregnancy is the most beautiful thing in the world, because it's not. In fact, pregnancy is painfully unattractive.
Let me remind you of these two photos:

Also -for my man followers...if you are of the "women don't fart" variety, you should probably stop reading.

Tash's Top 10 reasons for not loving pregnancy:

#10 - I really dislike feeling like a chubby dolphin - soon to be whale - on a daily basis.

#9 - I don’t exactly love that I am going to gain 30-40 lbs and then birth a giant toddler out of my girl parts. In fact, that scares the absolute crap out of me.

#8 - It's a gas town over here, everyday, all the time. And I'm gross, sometimes I am surprised that Chris even loves me the same. I mean, I know how appalled I am when he farts near me, I can't imagine I'm even remotely attractive right now.

#7 – Two words. Adult Acne. Really? OK – so maybe I had a bit of this before…but isn’t pregnancy supposed to clear that all up? If not, I should have done better research before getting knocked up.
 
#6 – All this stuff about luscious hair that never falls out…lies. My thin hair is still thin, and will probably get thinner. Sweet Jesus.

#5 - I sincerely dislike that my B’s are becoming D’s and if G’s are a size… I will likely get those too. And we’ll probably never see my B’s again.

#4 – Did you know that your nipples essentially grow and change colour? Well they do - and it just doesn’t look normal. They’re gonna shrink back right? Oh – and they’re itchy too. Large, itchy nips – awesome.

#3 – I can’t drink wine… like ever. I can’t even swirl it around in my mouth for the taste and spit it out in a bucket like a true connoisseur without being judged. Chris also told me that he’s call the cops on me. Not sure what they would actually do… but I’d prefer my husband not to do that.

#2 – Hemorrhoids. FML. I know, you didn’t want to know this part. But it’s the truth and trying to poop with a swollen little bum hole IS THE WORST THING EVER! On the bright side, this only happened twice. But I cried both times and I will do everything in my power to avoid this ever happening again! I don’t care if I have to eat bland cardboard cereal and only drink water for the rest of my life. I’d do it. Now apparently this happens to like EVERY pregnant woman -so don't you judge me- but no one ever tells you that, so now you know people, now you know.

#1 – Sleeping = hate. Why are there so many rules on how to sleep??? As if the 5 times I have to wake up to pee isn’t enough… there are SLEEP RULES! Not on your back, avoid the right side, don’t squish the baby on your stomach…blah blah blah. This leaves me with one option – left side which faces Chris. This is the same Chris who sleeps in the middle of our queen size bed and who snores in my mouth… well maybe I snore into his mouth. Either way, gross. AND I hate the rules because I can’t control what my body does when I sleep and I’m afraid that I’m going to squish our baby when I roll onto my stomach which is where I ultimately want to be. Essentially this means that I don’t sleep at all. Ever.

So there you have it. Why I’m not so in love with being pregnant. But please don’t get me wrong, there really are tons of reasons why I do love it and one of these days I will tell you all about them. From there you can decide if you will want to pop out a little gaffer of your own or not. For today, you contemplate what’s not so hot about adorable pregnant women, and why they are so choked when they have to stay sober for 9 months.

T.